Single Mother Life: When should I start dating?

Being a single mom hasn’t been easy and dating as a single mom can present its challenges. I appreciate that everyone's circumstance is soooooo different, mine (for sure) felt rather unique. As I went through a challenging time ending things with my ex while as a new mom …I realized I wasn’t the first and I won’t be the last. Life isn’t perfect and sometimes the most challenging issues encourage the best parts of you to develop.

So when should you, as a single mom, start dating? When you acknowledge getting over your ex or the trauma associated with an old relationship …can be tough but necessary. When you you're willing to admit what you actually want out of your dating life. And finally, when you're willing to learn who you are as a woman who is now single and is also a mother. Regardless of how unnerving that may be, be prepared to feel empowered eventually. With that in mind, make sure to watch my latest YouTube clip below for my tips and hear a few things about my single mother dating experience.

XOXO Ally 

Dating with Disease: Is it really your fuckin business?

As someone who has been in this dating game for a minute, it's a taboo but REAL conversation people should have with anyone their dating. Some people are vain and sometimes that vanity can distract individuals from...how to value their bodies and how they value their fuckin health! 

Why is it uncomfortable to share your health status? We always want to lead with our best foot forward, but health risks and challenges may contribute to our lifestyles in ways that require disclosure to our friends, family and sometimes the people we share intimacy with. So as you date, mate and relate? I think it should be more than just your business. 

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease (log on to www.endpkd.ca for more info) in my pregnancy. Although it hasn't hindered my "day to day" life, it has most definitely made me hypersensitive to individuals that face health challenges, sometimes out of their control. But to keep with the theme of my blog, I think it's best to understand the context. No one person is immune to everything, everyone may be faced with circumstances relating to their health that may present challenges.  When you're aware that you have mental health issues, physical ailments that aren't transparent to the average person or a condition you've been managing from a young age... how do you go about sharing this with someone you're just getting to know? Here are some key things to think about... 

How may your condition impact your relationship? This might be about you but its not all about you! Is your health challenge communicable? will it hinder your abilities in any way that may affect your time with someone you care for? If the answers to these questions are YES than a conversation is warranted and most times absolutely necessary. 

How important is this person to you? are they just a sexual fling? do you see potential in spending quality time with them? Are they someone want to commit to? This dictates how soon you should share and what specifically. 

Why you shouldn't keep it a secret? Keeping secrets in a relationship worth investing in arent healthy ways to build strong bonds. Establish trust and give your partner a chance to understand your circumstance without prejudice. This will offer an opportunity to allow your partner to support you in ways you may not anticipate. 

Why you should keep it secret? Sometimes being all the way vulnerable isn't always necessary. Don't feel compelled to share your challenges with someone who doesn't care, isnt invested in you in anyway. Don't assume sharing will encourage a thoughtful response from someone who is frivolous AF.  

Once you've had time to reflect, collect and understand where you're at with your relationship goals or one relationship in particular ...it shouldn't be as challenging to share your circumstance. Although health may be a sensitive issue to anyone who may be facing issues or have any concerns independently, it's not always a challenge you need to take on alone. 

XOXO Ally

 

 

 

BODYPOSITIVITY: The Movement so Far

It’s been more than 7 months since I’ve actually started invested in learning, engaging and connecting with social media influencers in the curvy girl community. It was unnerving initially, because like any space filled with diverse and unique voices …it can get loud! And by loud, I mean overwhelming in good, great and distracting ways. The amazingly courageous, bold and fabulous women I’ve been lucky enough to meet have helped me understand there is indeed a spectrum when it comes to bodypositivity.

It’s crazy to me (but in the most beautiful way) to see women of different ethnicities, gender identities, shapes, ages express their views, regardless of circumstance and actually be heard. As the BP movement has grown from a dynamic few to hordes of amazing journeys being shared …we can acknowledge there is indeed a spectrum. Having met media darling Meredith Shaw, streetwear entrepreneur Sasha of Flaws of Couture, plus size model Jewelz Journey, Real housewives of Toronto star Roxy Earle and Founders of the Body Confidence Canada Awards Jill and Aisha I have learned the spectrum within the body positivity movement is a broad one. Some choose to collaborate with the status quo to help change ideas on a grand scale while others choose to break away from it completely, even if it makes their peripheral uncomfortable. It’s all necessary and all contributions are valuable AF.

Efforts like PS Mediahouse’s The Well event is an example of what we need to curate and support. The Well is a judgement free day dedicated to fabulous women. Attendees will get a chance to experience shopping, creative dining, Zumba, live music and meditation.

A Sensational group of speakers will be focused on encouraging attendees to nurture the relationship with themselves. Go to https://thewellevent.ca for more information.

We as a community of women invested in breaking barriers and reconstructing norms need to be mindful of our message. We must be sure to take every opportunity to consistently communicate, collaborate and celebrate our differences. Ego’s aside, Its invaluable to understand as Bodypositive allies, advocates and activists way more can get accomplished together.

xoxoAlly

I’m not a player I just date a lot x Rant

 

IT’S BEEN REAL! Figuring out what it means to truly be over an ex and sincerely open to the next suitor in line. Getting to know perfect strangers, men that are far removed from what I’m used to and getting a better understanding of what it is I actually WANT is an unnerving pursuit.

Yes, I want a relationship and yes I want to meet my new best friend that I’ll share many fun milestones with (in addition to many sweaty romps =D). Admitting and acknowledging that void, being totally okay with wanting that connection with someone can leaving you feelin hella vulnerable. As a former Ice Queen, as someone who has been insensitive to the feelings of others ... I was totally unaccountable for my love mosaic. I now see the value in understanding what it means to value companionship. I say this from a place of honesty, not a place of desperation. I’ve grown comfortable with snuggling my daughter under my arm nightly and not sharing my morning mayhem with anyone but her…so I’m not remotely lonely. But to nurture all parts of my soul, all parts of my womanhood extends beyond my independence.

Dating will be revealing as fuck. Getting reacquainted with “sincerely single Ally”, the part of myself that is well behaved, an attentive listener and exceptionally intuitive. Understanding that only a select few deserve a second chance and the big pool of Toronto bachelors is actually smaller than I remember. Learning more about what it means to communicate and breaking away from the frivolous “wants” that plagued the early part of my young adulthood single jaunts.

I met someone that literally told me straight up he can’t stand talking on the phone. I used to think that was ridiculous. Initially it was a total turn off and then we went on a date. We got along, the conversation didn’t feel remotely forced and it felt really different.  It had hit the 3 hour mark of our date, we were letting the melted ice overtake our drinks and he goes into why he doesn’t like talking on the phone…”because of this. Having good conversation and actually spending time with someone is what I rather do face to face. So rather than call you I rather just see you”. I guess his hipster dipster artsy farts queen west sexy nerd swag totally grew on me OR his thought process was less offensive because it actually started to make sense. I never would have thought that little part of our date would have made such a huge impact on my perception of what other casual relationships I was forging.

Why would I want to encourage communication options that I utilize less with my immediate circle of friends and family with a stranger? Why would I take offence to the lack of casual communication vs the lack of effort/interest overall? A man who wants you…regardless of circumstance will make an effort to connect with you. But a man sincerely invested in getting to know you …will go beyond frivolous, convenient fuckboy texts. He’ll want to see you as often as he thinks of you because. He’s willing to invest and won’t hesitate to spend his time with you.  

Dating can be so overwhelming, meeting so many different people and desperately trying to dodge the sociopathic skunts can be exhausting. But being in a space where I acknowledge I want a relationship and I am accountable for my next monogamous relationship is what makes this part of my dating journey absolutely necessary.  

XOXO Ally

When it’s BAD…

It’s inevitable, it happens and when it does it can be really disappointing. For me, for most millennials and generation x-ers … our sexual chemistry is a deal breaker. If the vibe ain’t there, if the chemistry isn’t in sync and if the sex is not mutually satisfactory… it may contribute to going your separate ways. That does not make me vapid or vane... that's just the way it is.

I think in some instances... it can be worked on. In those cases,  it requires honesty right up front or even in the midst of the fun. That may curve the bad vibe into something positive or it may just be downright awkward. “Don’t do that babe” or “Slap it now hun” “ouch! fuck! Babe no!” are some things that may fly out your mouth as you guide your bedmate in the right direction. But it requires understanding, it requires trust and requires patience... all things I rarely have with strangers.

It  isn't frivolous, if you're unable to come to that place of "wow, I must've shattered some ones china or soul next door" than that would insert some unnecessary issues of commitment in your companionship. Lets assume for the sake of my explanation that... everything about the person you're with is perfect (by your standards). The way they laugh, how they fuel their passions and even their debate style is endearing to you. If the sex is wack, if the chemistry is none-existent and you are a sexual person? you're bound to either stray (yes, masturbation behind their back - like a filthy secret...counts), leave or grow old and miserable as a troll would under a bridge. Bad sex with a great person presents a challenges that require honesty. Primarily with yourself and then the person. Unfortunately, for me sex is indeed a deal breaker...especially when it's bad.

XOXOALLY

Dating is Exhausting

I’ve been actively single recently. Pretty much I’ve been dating which means… entertaining new individuals outside of the familiar pool of my recycling bin exes, platonic friends and making a conscious effort to meet new people. It’s been interesting so far and I recognize dating as a single, curvy, black woman in Toronto can be exhausting AF.

Utilizing online dating has been my first effort, because as a mom I can’t afford the random meet and greet on the street. Although I love the organic meets (because they make for a better story) I’m always in a rush, I barely have time to chill out and when I do? I’m usually neglecting something else I should be prioritizing. Forever guilty! It’s hard being an ambitious, single mother that actually works and keeps up with my shit. I don’t shy away from “me” time though, it’s absolutely necessary to stay sane. And YES, sometimes I feel guilty when it’s not spent wisely on a good manicure, a fulfilling yoga session, studying for an exam, working on a project or having amazing sex. I value my time with my daughter… it’s never a chore, period. As a single mom highly invested in my daughter’s happiness it can get hard to balance “me” time with “mom” time. So that’s why I’ve put on my single girl boots, put myself out there to meet new people via a convenient dating app.

Although it wasn’t remotely traumatic, it was short lived because I chose to listen to my intuition. I’ve connected with a few people, went on to meet a couple and I’m still in contact with some. But it’s something I haven’t been actively doing because I’m familiar with that exhausting, uncomfortable and necessary phase of singlehood that’s required to come across a good match, who I have good chemistry with and has the potential to be more than a summer Ting.

Meeting men that tell you what it is upfront can be refreshing or absolutely off putting, especially when you like them. All it takes is a sentence or two to totally fuck up the vibe and kill chemistry. When a man justifies not picking up the phone to call you because he rather see you or another might tell you right up front that he doesn’t sense “I’m the one”.

Know your Goddess

I say this from a place of growth and firm understanding that it is not easy being a woman who mothers, loves others and fully appreciates the worth of loving one’s self. It takes time and a ridiculous amount of patience to understand that in order to better understand your purpose without fear, to better live a life without hesitation requires a certain level of… being more than okay with "who” you are and a big bag of “I don’t give a fuck what most people think”.

I’ve realized the things I thought were scars have become reminders of my strength. The moments that require my tears are necessary to fully understand the journey in its entirety. The minutes I’ve spent laughing from the loudest and sincerest parts of my diaphragm are what make life worth living. Appreciating that with every experience comes a lesson that is invaluable to every decision after. There are no mistakes in this life and there are no regrets either.

Knowing your goddess starts from valuing yourself without remorse, apology or hesitation. Knowing that your beauty stems from your experiences, the way in which you love yourself, the way in which you adore others, the life you choose to live, the values you hold dear and the energy you push back into the world.

All parts of your character, every inch of your body, the strongest part of your integrity… contribute to knowing. I am forever grateful. Finding this part of myself in this part of my life and absolutely refusing to run from it. Knowing my goddess, understanding what it really truly means … is literally euphoric.

Xoxo Ally

Curvy Girl Guide to Body Waxing!

I wax. I thread. i'm an advocate for getting the necessary hairs tugged, moved and ripped out of place to ensure my skin is as supple and sexily smooth as it needs to be. Being curvy sometimes it can be unnerving going into a salon or spa for hair removal. Even with all my confidence, it still can be a bit nerve racking to strip down, spread eagle and invite a stranger into every crevice I have for the sake of a few whiskers being removed. 

I've been going to Angela's Beauty  in Toronto for years. They are one of the cheapest, cleanest and most professional hair removal quick spa's I've ever been to.  So as a curvy girl that totally appreciates what it means to want great service without the judgement... i thought it may be necessary to share this gem in addition to a few tips to get you through the sometimes uncomfortable waxing experience... 

Tip # 1 - Be date ready! 

What the fuck do I mean by that? Be at your best and strut into your appointment in something that makes you feel beautiful. Feel the most comfortable in your skin without hesitation.

Tip # 2 - Give Zero Fucks

You're there for an appointment. Being nice, courteous and friendly are a given anywhere you go but dont get consumed with what others may or may not think. At the end of the day, its their job to help you get your desired outcome not to judge you.

Tip # 3 - You're not the fucking first!

As amazing and as beautiful as your vagina, arm pits, leg or wherever may be...hello hunny that ain't the first one they've seen! Just remind yourself they've seen it all before and nothing is that shocking when they're not new to the game. 

Tip # 4 - let it all hang out! 

Throw all inhibitions and reservations out the door. Don't be afraid to ask questions or communicate with your beautician. They'll be sure to ask for your assistance so you get your desired out come and so they can get their work done. They may ask you to lift, pull, bend and stretch some areas that you've grown to love or hate. Either way, listen and relax ...you're both on the same team! 

 

I've had nothing but good experiences when i get a wax. Because even before I went to Angela's Beauty, i would do a bunch of "word of mouth" research among friends and colleagues, have no shame or any reservations if I found a clean professional establishment invested in giving me what i want at a good price. So my curvy girls who have yet to find a spa that caters to their hair removal needs and had some reservations...hopefully my suggestions will help you out on your search. 

xoxo Ally 

The Girl code ...does the shit exist?

For me, the girl code is something that has always been apart of my innate being. I've never been bothered or overly thirsty for men. Thankfully, I don't share the same taste as most of my friends and I had zero instances of competitive pursuit. But have I been faced with awkward exchanges in my peripheral or in my social circle? Absolutely. Some of the shit I've witnessed ... or engaged in briefly made me question... why the fuck was that even necessary?

So what exactly is this said "Girl Code". To me? The girl code can be defined as a circle of trust.  A reference point of what not to do. What to entertain, what to disclose and what to do. What the fuck does all that mean? What I'm referring to is the consideration of how any POTENTIAL romantic relationships YOU are considering to entertain impact your peripheral. Romantic Relationships can be classified as booty calls, friendships, potential hubbies, guys you are dating, etc. So why on earth would any of these romantical (I made this word u up, it sounds cute)  relationships potentially impact your social circle if disclosed? well, the key factor .... are any of these contenders you are entertaining in any way linked to anyone you care about? Are they a sibling, friends, confidant or at worst an ex of anyone in your social circle? Then this Girl Code shit should apply.

I've been lucky enough to have a broad range of relationships with women.... and I can honestly say half of my friends apply the girl code whereas the other half give zero fucks about it. I love a sexy bachelor .... but I avoid the pumpum "hand me downs" of relationships past when it comes to my friends. That shit isn't my style. I don't need to share past penis' with friends, its avoidable. The pond of affluent, desirable and attractive men is large enough (especially if your open to the diverse pool regardless of age, race and height). I'm a bad bitch, so I'm not pressed for dick... never have or never will be. But when I have been faced with the unforeseeable circumstance (sometimes) of meeting someone worth mounting or loving ... that impacts a valuable friendship I hold dear? I disclose and discuss. It's basic....although intentions are everything unfortunately perception is sometimes the reality of most. So to avoid fuckery to the 5th degree, I have those sometimes awkward but necessary conversations to avoid issue. Rather than my friend find out i'm on a date with her brother, boss, ex boyfriend or current fling.... I avoid the potentially foggy situation preemptively if I'm aware. I value my friends enough to give them that respect and extend that decency... with their feelings in mind.

But on the flip side, there are women I don't understand...that literally make it a sport to consciously cock block,  pursue or unnecessarily get involved with men that share a past and/or potential with their current friends. Why do some women behave this way? Why do some women opt to "get in the mix" when there are so many other options available? Well I think there are three reasons....

One, they're insecure as fuck and no matter who it is or what the reason... they need validation. Although there pursuits aren't malicious, it unnecessarily competitive and the possibility of who they might hurt with their behavior isn't a forethought.

Two, they're oblivious as fuck and unless a neighboring friend with a bit of understanding, awarenesss and sensitivity is around to knock em in the shoulder to keep them in check....they'll blindly pursue things they really shouldn't. 

And The Third reason, they channel their savagery to a horrible place. They are aware of their friends strong suits and short comings... and innately are competitive. If they've heard about the guy/girl of interest or just feel inclined to embarking on that territory ...they'll do so without hesitation with the "survival of the fittest" mentality. If they're truly devious, you wont know about it until it's too late to care or... they'll blatantly  rip opportunities right from the palm of your hands. And don't be surprised  if they try to remind you your friendship is stronger than that and you should stop being petty. 

Bottom line, although I do adhere to the Girl Code i'm also a firm believer when someone is truly into you ...they cannot be swayed or taken. But when it's frivolous and impulsive, yes it can be annoying if you have people around you constantly getting in the way of even your short term fun.  But sometimes it's a blessing in disguise. In stead of you acquiring that unforeseeable pelvic itch from a vacation fling, your narcissistic friend who chose to intercept walks away with that itch, annoying visit to the doctors office and 10 day prescription. :-D 

xoxo Ally 

Breaking Up is messy AF X Rant

Nothings worse than breaking up and having all those feelings compromise your better judgement for even a second. But the great part of being with an undercover degenerate is when you think you’re able to turn around and forgive? they revert to obnoxious, despicable and desperate behaviour that makes a few questions pop up in your head…

Was The dick even that great though? Why did it take me this long to realize he ain’t shit? Can I return that birthday gift I have yet to hand over? Should I get his tires slashed while I’m at work so I have a legitimate alibi?

Siggggghhh… and the questions just get more ridiculous as you continue to engage with your ex in an angry state. Then there’s that feeling after all the yelling, crying and excessive name calling. You suddenly feel as if you’ve taken a big shit after 2 years of constipation…its somewhat therapeutic and yet extremely exhausting. You want to take a nap and yet you have way too much real life shit to do... like go to work, be a mother, live your life, etc. A couple days go by ….and you’re kind of normal again. Not until you’re revisited by these polarizing emotions. You’re suddenly filled with annoyance, resentment, anger but never hatred…. At best PROFUSE DISLIKE.

The oblivious passive aggressive “I didn’t do shit and I just wanted to see how you’re doing” phone call and/or text comes in from the same ex you had that wonderful exchange with not too long ago. What the fuck do you do in this situation? Do you blow up? Do you get manipulative? Do you pick up where you left off in the last exchange or do you totally disengage and delete the passive aggressive text without hesitation?

So many options and so many ways to respond irrationally…. Sigh. Of course I respond because I’m not the type to pussy foot around anyone… especially when I’m bothered. I start out pretty amicable and then I end up being rather offensive and tacky. That bubbling in my chest starts …a combination of feeling enraged beyond words and anxious as fuck. I scream out of frustration… about how things went down, how things wont change and then I realize …why the fuck am I wasting any more time. I’ve wasted enough on this man. My irrational cussing or even a mature conversation wont change the inevitable.

The next steps included a glass of white wine, a glam glow mask, followed by writing a few blogs totally unrelated to the ex. I can start processing my feelings. Still very angry but it’s no longer on the surface and I’m no longer manic. The inner crazy bitch now supressed and laying dormant…until the next muhfucker tries it.

XOXO All 

Youtube So Far...

My Youtube Journey has officially started! Ahhhh! I’m so excited to share this amazing milestone with you guys. I look forward to wiggling even further outside of my comfort zone and sharing stories with you that push beyond what I’ve shared so far. Life has been colorful and I’m so grateful for the big plans I have for this year.

I’ve been grateful enough to have an amazing person in my corner and be collaborating with  IG @nekesphotography. They're responsible for helping mold my Youtube journey with both shooting and editing my content.

Youtube is a scary place but i'm fucking ready! I await connecting with youtubers on a crusade to change the way people think... with every piece of their journey they document and share. But I’m also not afraid of the savagery lurking around the corner that has plagued the infamous Trisha paytas and other youtubers a like.

Make sure to log on to my channel, subscribe, share and like all my new videos! Make sure to log on to the following links and please make sure to comment! I’d love to know what your experiences and opinions are!

XOXO Ally

Happy Valentines Anniversary! xoxox

It’s officially been one whole entire year since I’ve been blogging! AHHHHH! It’s totally surreal to think time has flown so quickly and it almost feels empowering. Putting a good few experiences in my blog has been therapeutic and at times a bit unnerving.

It’s been a learning experience. Curvesarentmyproblem.com’s 1 year anniversary of my blog, I’m up for taking my stories, my voice, my truth to a new place… YOUTUBE! I figured it’s time to put a face and a tone to the experiences I’ve been willing to share. I cant wait to share all the other stories I have yet to blog about. Story times and collabs! Yaays!

I have a few goals to knock off my list this year for my blog. A key ingredient to my check list is collaboration, so I’ll be doing a whole bunch more of that and I can’t wait to share every step.

In the meantime, celebrate this amazing milestone with me and Watch, Subscribe, Share and Comment on my youtube channel!

xoxoAlly

FAT, FIT AND FEARLESS

One of the biggest misconceptions about being curvy, plump, fat, big, big boned, thick, plus sized… or whatever you identify with.... is this idea that my size dictates my limitations. It’s hilarious to me when I’ve been at the gym or in a fitness class …and an unfamiliar face chooses to judge my capability because of their preconceived ideas about what my size is capable of (according to them). Conditioning can be an absolute inconvenient bitch.

I love shattering the comfort zone of those who have their hang ups about big women and fitness. It’s amazing to see multiple jaws drop when you keep up in spin class or when you achieve a headstand in yoga class. Those unfamiliar with seeing women who look like you achieve these feats are suddenly uncomfortable. Suddenly, its unfair or “she had to be fit before she gained weight” ideology pops in their head to make them feel comfortable... because society says only a certain type of body can be active and excel in sports. FUCK THAT.

Rather than blame the dated pamphlets circa 1982, that haunted my childhood with Jane Fonda inspired bodies decorated across each page …I just do me. I fearlessly participate. My actions, my achievements with every trickle of sweat that rolls down my not so humble curves is an absolute fuck you to those dated representations of what it used to mean to be fit.

I’m fit. Once you commit your body to challenging itself to achieve a compelling experience you never thought you could… you just like those whose bodies are adorned with muscles are fit. Weight does not dictate my aspirations. Aesthetic don't dictate your strength. You are fit to succeed. You are fit to outweigh the opinions of those who don’t celebrate you. You are fit to redefine the misrepresentations of what it means to be healthy, active and courageous.

I used to be absolutely intimidated to try new activities in sports and fitness because I underestimated my body. To any curvy girl at this part of their journey…I’ll keep it simple and say this. Pursue your goals fearlessly and Know you deserve it. Go try it, go get it.  Let no one dictate your aspirations and never be intimidated to pursue new experiences. Love yourself and be fearless. Period.  

xoxo Ally 

Pennington’s X #IWONTCOMPROMISE

It was such a beautiful thing to witness such an unapologetic act of solidarity between women who are so different and yet so beautiful. I was flipping through Instagram while I was at work, saw @killerkurves Karyn Johnson’s post about Pennington’s fab stance at union station and made sure to be there to witness this beautiful moment.  

 These beautiful curvy taste makers were truly so nice, welcoming  and beautiful! So happy i met them all! @jewelzjourney @pureivorydolca @sarahtaylorsjourney @sheenasnively @amandamonty @voluptuosmodel @curvycdn @mustangsallytwo 

These beautiful curvy taste makers were truly so nice, welcoming  and beautiful! So happy i met them all! @jewelzjourney @pureivorydolca @sarahtaylorsjourney @sheenasnively @amandamonty @voluptuosmodel @curvycdn @mustangsallytwo 

 

In this moment, in this display of unnerving bold beauty I understood the importance of what it means to advocate for your fellow woman, no matter how different their journey is from your own. I fucking get it. I’m inspired and will contribute to this necessary discussion piece. It was truly an enriching experience to meet such beauties without an inch of inhibition… confidently strut and take over Toronto’s Union Station in a meaningful way.

 

We shouldn’t have to compromise our health, our sanity and our character to conform to one ideology around what it means to be beautiful. So thank you Pennington’s for creating this amazing campaign and advocating for such a diverse pool of women who own all aspects of their beauty in such unique ways.

 These beautiful women standing together for the greater good of self love and bodypositivity! @tessholiday @mizwoochic @caterinamoda @killerkurves @isabellaforget @hourglasscath @breebeexox @meredithshawtoronto 

These beautiful women standing together for the greater good of self love and bodypositivity! @tessholiday @mizwoochic @caterinamoda @killerkurves @isabellaforget @hourglasscath @breebeexox @meredithshawtoronto 

 

Thank you to all the bodypositive advocates who bore more than just their skin and sincerely embraced every inch of themselves. Thank you for not compromising who you are. Like them… #iwontcompromise and neither should you!

Xoxo Ally

The unexpected Happy Ending.

I was on my vacation, the weather was perfect and I was feeling great so of course I wanted to treat my self to a massage. I made sure to book with a man because that’s always been my preference. I had been travelling alone but being the social butterfly that I am… made sure to make friends with a few amazing people. We were talking about some of the excursions and events we all had planned ….and that’s when I mention it. “I’m getting a massage on my birthday and straight up I hope the ending is a happy one”.

My new found girlfriends started busting out laughing and we jokingly started wondering if that was even an option at our resort. We inevitably came to the conclusion that, not so much. “Those type” of shenanigans wouldn’t be going down based on the political systems influence and the resort being rather conservative (due to it being owned by the countries military). I sighed with disappointment but it wasn’t really sincerely, if anything I was just being cheeky for the sake of fun convo.

Fast forward a couple days later, to the day after the debauchery that was my birthday. I woke up mad early, because even on vacation solo… that mommy mode switch is on. SO I woke up, showered, put my face mask on and legit made sure I didn’t look like a zombie. Threw on a sexy bikini courtesy of swimsuitsforall.com, with a skirt and pranced my not so lucid ass over to the resorts spa (that was on the other side of the grounds). As I jiggled my ass across the grounds, I kept running into staff and guests that were wishing me happy birthday. I wondered for a second “how the fuck did all these people know who I was…?”. Considering the night before was a blur and I was a bit sore…I just kept it moving and didn’t let my thoughts distract me from getting to my massage appointment on time.

I arrive and I’m greeted by some of the staff I met a couple days prior but now there’s a new addition. She’s crusty, just evil eyeing me like its part of her job description. The only reason I chose not to address it is because I didn’t actually have to engage with her directly. The bitch might’ve just been having a bad day and I would’ve been glad to make it worse if her glares transitioned into words. I’m greeted by my masseuse and disrupts the uncomfortable eye exchange going on between myself and the disgruntled Chiquita. His face wasn’t a stunner and wasn’t an Adonis sculpted out of clay but he was indeed fit and his hands look rather strong. To say the least I was pleased as I followed him down the windy corridor that was beaming white everywhere. As we passed this little courtyard I questioned where the fuck we were actually going. Before I could ask he abruptly stopped and opened the door guiding me in.  He said that I should undress and gave me a towel to cover myself.

I listen for once then obediently take off the little I was wearing and lay down on the massage table. I hear a knock and I okay him to come back in. My face is squeezed between the infamously awkward massage table face rest. I hear him rapidly pumping what seems like a large amount of massage oil into his palms. He vigorously rubs his hands to together and he starts. Like any other massage, it feels great. Not remotely sexual just extremely relaxing. He had extremely strong hands that were mindful to put enough pressure everywhere I needed it. My back was fucked up from all the floor twerking on my birthday so…he worked out quite a few knots from the night before. But as each knot loosened and the rum I drank that morning starts to kick in… so did his powerful fingers. I started flinching and squirming because this platonic soothing massage starts feeling a bit sensual now. My masseuse didn’t do anything different…. if anything my mood in a the massage gradually changed. He started to read between the lines and the body language seemed to subtly influence his hands. He grazed parts of my body to see how… receptive I’d be and then would move on to another area once he realized I wasn’t resistant.

He asked me to flip over and was sure he turned his back.  As I flipped over, I lowered the towel to midway down my chest. I guess you can say it was a bit inviting…. but really I just didn’t have enough towel. It was more of a choice between exposing my vagina vs my breasts. He turns around and starts massaging my shoulders and then he makes his move. He full out starts massaging my breasts. I didn’t feel remotely violated ….all I felt was aroused. My nipples could’ve cut open mail at that point and even still he was giving them an actual massage. So even though its obvious he’s crossed a boundary it wasn’t so overt what he was going to do next. He moved on to other parts of my body, his hands were still very strong but now a little bit more purposeful. His hands found themselves massaging my upper inner thighs and he was giving these intense strokes with every pull of my skin. He started to subtly graze the lips of my vagina every so often, in between his massage of each inner thigh. He assessed my body movements, my breathing and then just dove right in. He held the centre of my lower back as he wriggled and tenderly wrestled his fingers in between each naked fold. I started to get loud at which point he covered my mouth and started speaking Spanish. It was insane! I was literally being abducted by the orgasm he was giving me. As it ended, he kissed my forehead and my navel. Said I’m beautiful and asked that I say nothing about this. He firmly pressed his index fingers across his lips and I did the same with a simple “shh, no worries”.

My happy ending gave me a new experience that made me a little less judgmental of that world. Here I was single, desirable, extremely comfortable in my skin and redefining the stereotype of “who” opts for the rub and tug. I wasn’t the 50 year old unhappily married man squeezing this in during an extended lunch break … I am the polar opposite.

He gave me privacy to cloth myself again and this warm rush of empowerment washed over my entire being. It was so unexpected and I loved that feeling. I had absolutely no regrets. As I adjusted my skirt and put my Ray ban’s back on…. A broad smirk grew across my lips. But as I followed him down the hallway I was sure to wipe that smug ass smirk right off.  I paid for the massage, thanked him graciously, advised that I left his tip in the room and that was the start of my birthday lol. Happy Ending indeed.

Xoxo Ally

Plus Sized and Sexy in NYC

My singlehood has been sprinkled with some memorable characters and some absolutely ridiculous moments. New York City in dating I’d say … provides some of the most unique experiences… on the great end and on the horrible end of things. The approach of all NYC guys cant be lumped into a few words because the pool of men you come across…(well that I’VE come across) is so diverse it would be unfair to do that. But I will say this, east coast guys share two common traits … they love to hunt and passive aggression ain’t their style. Whether you like it or not, guys in NYC are extremely vocal … just the delivery is different (depending on the fella). Just know that regardless of their ethnicity or socioeconomic background… they're not scared to pursue a woman.

Now, as a beautiful curvy woman who doesn’t live in any of the boroughs… walking or dancing through the social scenes of NYC may grab the attention of more than a few. My confidence, approachability carries my beauty so in NYC dating was fun. Having dated the “former stripper now baby father to 29763964924 children” type to the “Buddhist NYC Rookie cop”… I think my opinion counts.

I never felt undesirable when I was out and about in the city… I think where you go and who you’re with will dictate “who” and “how” you’re approached by men in NYC. Some key things to note are NYC is a mecca for the bullshit train. When you’re not from the city, It’s hard to know whether or not you’ve jumped on it. I think in any highly populated city theres a higher probability of encountering fuckery. In other words, don’t be shocked if the most put together dude is full of the most shit. And by "full of shit" I mean… the lying/lack of disclosure can get unreal. But I guess that happens everywhere.

Chivalry? Meh. I think guys in NYC aren’t the most chivalrous (overall)…but they’re not horrible. They’ll pay for the date, some even will open the door and buy you a drink without expectation… but there are a high population of fuck boys perpetrating as men in that city.

Aesthetically pleasing?   Abso-fucking-lutely. There’s this air of confidence they have, combined with the subtle yet smooth accent …that can leave you so wrapped around their finger your Spanx will be riding all the way up your ass. NYC fellas possess a swagger that a lot of outsiders desperately try to emulate. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…but I’m so glad I never entertained those sociopathic assholes pretending to be from NYC that were actually from a borough in the east end of Toronto. CHA

This Toronto girl will probably date again in NYC... if the opportunity presents itself. Every time I visit there’s usually an opportunity. So curvy ladies don’t be scurred of New York City men… just strut your stuff and be prepared to maneuver through an interesting experience with these not so subtle men.

XOXO Ally

Glam Glow’s Glowstarter

If you’re a badbish who loves to glow, radiate, shine, showstop, stage steal… you should definitely try to work Glam Glow’s Illuminating daily lotion Glowstarter into your life. It’s crazy but, I’m getting ready for my second annual “get away with just me” trip and I’ll be going somewhere hot and humid as fuck. Of course I want to look amazing, of course I want to just be a radiant goddess… but I figure I need to create an easy but effectively fabulous beauty routine for my Caribbean “me” time. One that doesn’t include crazy heavy makeup that literally will just roll off my goddamn face into my cleavage or all over a new pals fresh white t-shirt (I’ve never been a girl to leave evidence…cha).

But I digress… Glam Glow’s Glow starter is a great option for ladies who …like to change up their look. You like to go from Drag show/Stripper Chic and then on your low key days like to look as dewy-carefree-beautiful as miss JLO from the block.

How I’ve been using it so far? I apply it as my base. I use it as my face lotion daily and when I want to glam it up a little bit I apply my go to concealer (to cover up the dark circles that ive acquired over various sleepless nights) and then if I feel like adding lashes and filling in my eyebrows? I do. And its been more than enough. I’ve also used it kind of like a primer underneath my Nars Tinted moisturizer or Becca liquid matte full coverage foundation.

I’m single and dating so this regiment won’t just be one used while on vacay in the tropics…this is great for low key date nights with the right company. Because Real talk, grown Men? appreciate women in their most natural state. So Glam Glow’s Glowstarter is an amazing addition to heightening your sexy radiant natural beauty.

XOXO Ally

Why you should and shouldn’t fuck an ex.

Yes. I’m going there. Anyone one that has been actively single for a while has a few lingering exes form their past. Sometimes they are easily accessible and at times convenient as fuck. Its familiar territory and why not revisit an old friend in a good familiar places. NO matter how dysfunctional your relationship was or how long its been… sometimes chemistry does more than it’s suppose to. I’ve done this without regret and in other instances had to bitch slap myself into reality and remove myself from the #dickdrunktrain that was delusion. I feel there are a few pro’s and cons to consider if you are entertaining picking someone out of your recycling bin of exes.

Pro. Keep The Body Count Low

It’s simple. You’re not increasing the number of penises and/or vaginas that have plagued your sexual past. Who or how this is beneficial...? depends on your moral conditioning concerning sexual promiscuity.

Con. Increase the drama pool by 1000 percent

If you are prone to getting caught into precarious circumstances, a messy ex that is extremely social can prove to bring you unnecessary drama. Their current roster of dating options may or may not have creeped your Instagram. But there's always one that is extremely invested and may even aim for a crazy bitch gold star by getting all the way up in your business (with your or even your exes knowledge). Who wants to go through all of that just for a piece of batty? Sigh….

Pro. Guarantee of AMAZINGLY good sex.

This is my fave reason. Sometimes in certain past relationships... the only good that came of your union was the BOMB ass sex. The chemistry never faded because maybe you both never let the outside dysfunction compromise the sexual synergy.

Con. Compromising potential prospects

if you’re actively looking and dating... sleeping with your ex may get messy as hell. Rather than putting all your energy into getting to know someone new, you’re still giving part of your time and attention to someone who you inevitably found wasn’t the best match. You might let penis or vagina dictate where you should be on a Friday night or how early a date should wrap up because of that warm feeling "great sex" with an Ex gives you. That’s not always productive depending on emotionally where you’re at/ if you want  to step into another serious relationship.

Pro. Low maintenance option

Messing with an ex means you have an established sense of comfort. Fuck shaving your legs, rushing over to your wax girl for your brazilian or stressing about getting a mani/pedi. The struggle sock (the one with  big hole on the toe) you wore out of desperation wont be judged by an ex lol. There’s no time for that, you’ve passed that phase lol. You’re one goal is hooking up, kicking boots, flexing… nothing else really. General etiquette and decency applies but…. Your ex is a low maintenance option. Cha  

Con. Encouraging Vagina Entitlement

Yes. This one is weird and I've come across it a couple times. You guys exchange sweaty energy a few times post break up and yet there’s still this territorial behavior that ensues. You find yourself adhering to relationship type situations. You start explaining why you took too long to respond to a text all because you've rekindled a sense of consistency. One that your ex might think warrants partial stake in your vagina… wanting to know the how, when, what, where and the who’s of your vaginal escapades. Don't be fooled, he ain't your man he's your ex. As my girls from salt n peppa used to say AINT NUNYA BUSINESS! 

Pro. Rekindling an unsuspecting legitimate relationship

This can get scary if you really weren’t looking for it. It’ll sneak up on you like a bad yeast infection after trying a new body wash that was on sale. It takes time, but once its there its obvious. You may be in different spaces, you may now be in a space to truly work together and love one another. You may be able to give it a fair shot…but never start fuckin an ex with those expectations or else it will lead you to the disappointing but common final con….

Con. Reviving a dead horse

You realize the sex is great or not so great … so what was the point of reviving this relationship with your ex? What did you really get out of it? You both start getting sick of each other or worse board as hell. A couple months of this "great convenient guarded safe familiar" sex has encourage nothing but a few sweaty romps that took you away from friends, family and other opportunities.

I honesty don’t believe in having regrets. Everything has a purpose in your journey... no matter how wasteful it may seem. Without the pain/challenges, especially in love... you wont know how to truly value the vibrant loving positive experiences in life. So just know entertaining an ex is not an easy business regardless of how convenient it might be. Appreciate that you broke up with your exes for a reason and it’s worth thinking twice about... before you jump in the bed with them for one last hoorah.

Xoxo Ally

#badbitchatanysize

It’s surreal to me when women, especially beautiful women don’t own their beauty fully. What I mean by that is…you are amazing all the time. You’re amazing with the bags under your eyes from working hard. Your beauty is effortless when your hair is dishevelled and unruly on the worst days. Whether your body is decorated in a ball gown, basketball shorts or scars acquired from life…you are indeed a queen. Embrace that and don’t let anyone take that from you.

Know that there are no limitations to beauty. Period. Being a plus sized girl who is not afraid to say I’m beautiful on any given day took work. It took time to really understand that being self aware and investing in self love is nothing but normal. It’s okay to think your shit doesn’t stink when it comes to loving yourself. But loving yourself isn’t where it should stop, funny enough its where it should start. Then its your job to be empowered enough to embrace and appreciate the diverse pool of beauty that surrounds you…both inside and out.

Who said only a size 2 is allowed to wear a bikini? Who said only hourglass shaped women should wear bodycons? When did it become okay to not have self worth? Why do we limit our potential by inflating toxic egocentricity?

Life is a journey. You are bound to change and grow on various levels. It may be a physical transition. You may have been two people. Once young, slightly slimmer and somewhat naive. Then transition into a totally dysfunctional, loud and unapologetic creature that was never accountable. And maybe even now… the most boring, predictable and yet plumpest you. Regardless of where you were and where you are …know that you’ve always been amazing. You’ve always been a bad bitch. No matter how your weight, wardrobe or Friday night antics have changed…you’re most definitely a #badbitchatanysize in life. The size of your heart, your bank account, your ass, your ego does not dictate how or when you were in fact the best you. You have always been the best you, regardless of where you were on your journey. Love that, own that and revel in your self love more often …. No matter how scary it may be.

 

xoxoAll

Interracial dating as a Plus Size girl

Dating someone who is of a different ethnic or cultural background is always fun and yes comes with a few challenges. As a plus size girl, it’s no different.  Everyone must triumph the same barriers and thoroughly enjoy the beautiful parts of dating someone outside of your ethnic background or religious faith.

I’ve dated Asian, African, American, Middle-eastern, West-Indian and European guys. Aside from my past relationships resembling the United Nations, I realize men are men and regardless of how they’ve been conditioned…they love what they love. I remember being picked up by a Cambodian Cop for not smiling enough on the dance floor at New York City’s Pianos.  An English guy got my number midway through his bullshitty ‘I’m lost can you help me’ routine. And one of the most chivalrous Jamaican dues I’ve ever met showed me another side of my mothers birthplace when I was on vacation.  Men are motivated by the beauty that they themselves adore… even if you happen to epitomize everything their family doesn’t want. It’s a beautiful thing when you meet someone who doesn’t come from the same upbringing as you…you learn a lot about yourself and their experience within their culture. Being able to achieving a fun, sometimes sweaty and other times adventurous synergy with someone can be so enjoyable. You taste new foods, explore new beliefs and expand on your understanding of what makes you different and yet compatible.

Sometimes, the connection or the chemistry can’t make up for a few cross cultural misunderstandings. You both might be prone to doing or saying something that isn’t the norm of your new found amore. Either its something you learn to accept or something worth changing a little bit. Depending on the nature of your behaviors, you don’t want to change everything about who you are but in interracial relationships (like any other) you have to come to a healthy compromise. It's sometimes hard to do that without judgment, especially if dating someone who identifies with different cultural norms is all very new. But chemistry is chemistry and love is love. In my experience, I can honestly say there are some yummy bachelors from all ends of this earth who adore women with some ridiculously plump curves.

XOXO Ally