I just moved into the city, was constantly on the go and managed to always be on foot. It was crazy to think about all the people you meet just walking down the street and he happened to be one. I was just leaving Dundas Square after getting my nails filled (oh how I miss when I used to give a shit about bio gel vs fiber gel lol… Rest in peace The Nail Shoppe, I miss those girls!). I wasn’t really paying attention to my surroundings and on a mission just to get home. I had plans to turn up with the girls that weekend and wanted to look right… don’t judge me! Lol So of course, this is the moment you catch a mans unexpected attention.
I was crossing yonge street and I hear “excuse me!” so for a minute I start to think I may have dropped something. So of course, I stop and instantly start scaling the pavement with my eyes before I realize the voice didn’t say shit about me dropping a damn thing lol. As I sheepishly look up at this very cute, not so tall, extremely fit caramel skinned man… he says without hesitation “I had to stop you cause I needed to meet you”. Of course being the crusty ass I was at the time, I start to cackle and he looks back at me with this awkward “is this chick high” smirk on his face. I apologize and just let him know I’m not crazy but I wasn’t expecting that. I now realize that initial cackle was foreshadowing of the many laughs I’ve had since reminiscing about Mr. Flexitarian.
After my apology, the exchange (from what I remember) was pretty chill and standard. We had no more than a 3 min conversation but we had exchanged enough casual details about one other to warrant exchanging numbers. So we said our goodbyes, I kept it moving and proceeded to my place not feeling much of anything. I wasn’t in lust with this sexy man, but he was indeed an ego boost considering my lady lumps were just minding their own business.
So I get a text that night saying he really enjoyed meeting me and wants to see me soon. I respond the next day (because I was in total exploration phase – all about the games and mind fucking). I say it was cool meeting him too and when our schedules allow it maybe that’ll happen. As a fellow Sagittarius, he picks up on the possible shade I was giving him and made sure to call me that same afternoon. I guess he just wanted to make that extra effort to show “I sincerely wanna see you again and soon”. So rather extend a stale text, I’ll keep it a bit more personable. We talked for a bit, got to know each other a little better and the conversation wrapped up a couple hours later. It was great, we could hold a conversation and had a couple mutual interests but there was this spark still missing.
About a week and half after we met, we go for drinks at a bar just off of queen west. I find out he’s a fitness trainer that’s why his arms were so distracting lol and the conversation was pretty light. He begins to feel more comfortable and shares more about his lifestyle. It all seemed normal until the words “I’m a flexitarian” casually slide out of his mouth. Automatically, I’m tactless and totally unapologetic so I blurt out “that means…?” and he defines a “Flexitarian” as someone who generally eats vegetarian but out of social appropriateness and etiquette will eat meat in the company of those who are eating meat. When I heard this I begin to laugh and say “did you make that shit up?” (just note I had a couple drinks at this point so things get a bit sloppy). His passionate response with giggles sprinkled in-between “I’m not bullshitting you, we really exist”. So of course I continue to laugh, because I think this flexitarian shit is some hipster scavenger trend that he made up or someone he knows made up.
We talk more about what it means and why he chose this lifestyle and then it thankfully shifts into a less laughable conversation. I excuse myself to go to the lady’s room and proceed to google the shit, looking forward to instant gratification assuming I’d find out it was all a farce and of course I was wrong wrong wrong. I actually stumble upon many valid sources consisting of a whole clan of people that follow this belief system! So I sheepishly walk back to the bar, after literally air drying my vajayjay (I was parked on the toilet that long). Soon after, he puts me in a cab I go home and jump straight into bed like a wine-o.
We go on a few more dates, they’re fun and we managed to gather up enough nerve to have a street make out session by the third or fourth date. So one night, I didn’t feel like going out and I didn’t want to go to his place…so I invite him over to watch a movie (in other words, I Netflix and chilled him without Netflix LOL). We drink a little bit, laugh a whole bunch, have a couple political conversations and the make-out session commences. It gets intense, so I guide him into my bedroom (not before I strategically kiss him as I put on a musiq soulchild album). Were on my bed, still going at it and as he reaches under my shirt ...boom. Thoughts of his Flexitarianism start to distract me lol. In Jerry Seinfeld style as he gives my lips a break and starts devouring my neck I blurt out "are you really a Flexitarian?". As soon as that question left my lips I didn't feel bad for the awkward pause that came soon after. At this point I realized a flexitarian (and maybe just a lack of vibe) was enough to warrant no further play.
Yes, I was that judgmental back then. I just couldn't wrap my head around the bullshit of it all...it was a bit too eccentric for my taste. After he had questioned whether or not I was serious, his dick was just as limp as the mood. I admit to him that I just wasn't into it and my head was in a different space he proceeds to keep this "really? ... Really? Really!?!" tone as he called me a few names (nothing expletive) one of which "immature" and maybe I was at the time. That was the last time I ever heard or spoke to Mr. Flexitarian and even today I have no remorse for the abrupt blue balled goodbye.