I’ve come to realize over the years I’ve absolutely extended my mischievous asshole tendencies into the bedroom. The more comfortable I get, the worse it is for my bed mate. Especially in relationships, I’ve done some random fucked up things that sometimes we're totally unprovoked or just firm reminders.
The Man Voice.
I naturally have a deep, raspy voice that is shockingly desirable to most men I’ve dated. What started as a phone prank in my youth has led to an asshole hat trick I’ve pulled during sex. In the midst of a very intimate moment with my ex, I was fully into it and so was he. Our chemistry was always great regardless of how many arguments we had. For whatever reason, during our sweaty pleasurable exchange this evil mood came over me. I wanted to test him. I wanted know how invested he was in his orgasm lol. So more than mid-way through my loud, feminine moans for more… I decided to introduce him to my Man Voice. Mid moan I sounded less like myself and more like Mr. T. I said random things that made him look at me in disbelief and his manhood instinctually went oh so limp. Through pockets of laughter, he yells ”WHAT THE FUCK!?! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?”. AHHH the memories.
Sometimes, when you’re in a relationship you have mini pissing contests. “Who rules who” in the bedroom was at the core of many fun pre-foreplay debates. I would oblige and say “yes babe, you’re the best” with a tad bit of sarcasm in my not so horny state. He would turn me on, we would get to that “place” and the games would begin. Being the stubborn asshole that I can be, I decide to prove my point. My vagina in fact runs YOU playa! You’re dick only phases me so much. Midway through the pleasure train, my ex was sweating all types of bullets, working extremely hard lol and I reach for my phone. My moans abruptly stop, and in missionary position I begin texting a girlfriend about her day. Rather than let this passive aggressive event get in his way, he uses it as motivation. He works harder than ever to prove his point. In other words, that he runs my lady pocket. But I lay strong, unfazed when inside I’m seething with pleasure (teehee).
Answered a Call.
Sometimes you’re in a mode where you are constantly on your grind. I don’t apologize for being invested in goals, be it long term or momentary. Grind hard and prosper ladies! I was in this lane and even though most would figure there would be limited time to have sexcapades. Well for those of you that don’t know…know that I’m highly invested in a healthy work life balance :-D Lol. So there were moments when I had to juggle the responsibility of never missing an opportunity, in which case meant never missing a call. And during sex was no different lol. So yes, I picked up the phone during an ambitious position and simultaneously handled my business more ways than one. Needless to say, my ex was not impressed after the 3rd call. LMAO
Faked a cramp.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were caught in a great long session of sex that although it was good, you grew tired and just wanted to take a minute to recover? Well I have. And rather than look like a punk or being totally transparent and saying something like “Babes, I’ve had enough” I just faked a fuckin cramp. Yea I did! I pulled what all those soccer players do during the world cup. I faked an imaginary injury for both pity and a break. I made sure to emphasize my fake pain through my facial expressions and body winces. Of course it worked LOL. And I received the pity I wanted, a nice back rub and cuddle with my sex cred intact.
Fertile turtle Reminder
Sometimes, men need a firm reminder that although I’m in a heated mood I have my wits up. With my first boyfriend after breaking up with my daughters father, we found ourselves very into one another. So into one another sex was impromptu lol. We’d be sitting across one another at dinner fully ravaging each other with our eyes alone from across the table. So there were times where we were in certain settings that warranted a firm slap with words to keep things in a safe space. Currently, I don’t desire having any more beautiful god given children without a husband. So when my ex would get a bit too excited and attempt to do things sans condom… I would yell things to remind him. It almost seemed like I had short term turrets. But funny enough, my abrupt reminders have kept my womb extremely vacant and boring as fuck.
Being evil during sex is always a fun but most times traumatic for your partner in love or lust. So in short, I have no regrets and I've learned to channel my evil ways into memorable moments.