Dateology: Anywhere, But work.

Work romances are not desirable...at least not to me. I've always been hesitant to even seriously look at anyone on a serious romantic level in any of the places I've worked. Especially in my current work environment, the more people who know about your relationship the more drama ensues. People who don't even greet you... have a sudden interest in who you're fucking and how. Ironically, when it comes to my social circle and romantic life...I've always been painfully private. And I guess dating someone openly at work tends to take away that anonymity of your partner. Your general peripheral will start to watch your relationship extra closely and scrutinize how you even connect on a casual level in the work setting.  But then again, I think its beautiful when a business is run by a couple. I guess building a business together is no different than having a baby....you're highly invested, it takes a significant amount of financial and emotional effort. But I digress, back to the whole office romance thing...I've had a very short lived one. It wasn't worth sharing in my very vulnerable "Mr. insert ridiculous truth here" chronicles. I will say that... had he not been as sneaky/private as myself, it wouldn't have ever happened. I've been hit on by a few people in my work place...and it always ended badly or awkwardly for someone lol.

I have avoided office romances because of the potential awkwardness of it all. It's fucking uncomfortable for all the wrong reasons. Depending on the style of the approach, if some one happens to hit on you at a seasonal party or onsite at work and you're bound to see this person again? Shit gets  awkward quick when it's not reciprocated. One of the more awkward scenarios was a simple lesson in "not being too mean and crusty when you are telling a man to beat it" (regardless of how inappropriate he gets). It was a few years ago, well before I was a mom and not to mention I was in a monogamous relationship...but even if I wasn't I would have never entertained this man. I was young, bubbly and extremely friendly at work. I was one of the most approachable black girls you'd ever meet. Although we didn't work together directly and we didn't report to the same manager I would see this guy in passing regularly. He was flirty by nature...but I was just social and nice. Niceness can be misinterpreted as being flirty and it may cast you into situations like this. I was working New Years Eve, it was horrible finishing work just 30 minutes before midnight but that was my situation. And yes, I had a boyfriend but it was a fairly new thing and it was early on in our relationship. My coworker would always make sure to come by my work station and ask how I was doing. We would chum it for a bit and working new years eve was no different. He was generally subtly flirty, but never had he said anything ridiculous enough to warrant even a dirty look...until that new years eve. He came by towards the end of my shift with small talk "you're still working? and it's new years even. What does a pretty girl like you have planned?" I explained I'd be heading home to spend time with my family and it was going to be a low-key holiday for me (considering my work schedule). Then it happens, this muhfucker gets brave. He begins to tell me I should come home with him instead. He just recently purchased a home and he would love to spend some "new years eve" time with me. I was shocked and appalled when he went on to insinuate I should see how he decorated his bedroom. I hit my limit at that point. My dilemma in this moment was... finding a graceful balance between cussing dude stupid and being a class act. I opted for embracing my angry black woman voice to remind him that although I may be pretty and yes even very approachable...I'm not that bitch. He knew he had crossed a line. So after a good stern "fuckouttahere" glare...he made sure to quickly disappear. The exchange itself wasn't so crazy, but the consistent run ins made my strides up and down various corridors at work rather awkward. To be honest, I didn't give enough of a shit to even address it. But there were times when this guy would be in groups chatting about anything but me and then as I walked by all the chatter would stop abruptly. This went on for years and eventually he started to publicly date multiple women at work and I no longer was a problem.

To be honest, if I was able to connect with someone on a real level...I would never run from it. but I have gone out of my way to avoid it at all costs. I'm too crazy to have any reliable proof of that amongst peers. If I worked with any of my bitter exes they would have a enough ammunition to royally fuck up my reputation. But should you find love at work embrace it with the understanding that everyone else is all the way into your business...like a tampon. And that may be far too traumatic for me but... don't let that hinder anything remotely sincere.

xoxo