Insert “online dating disaster 101” here. Lol So this was post baby, post break up with my daughters father (the baby-father phrase drives me crazzzzzyyyyyy!!! So I’ll never say it) and post "giving a shit what many thought about dating too soon as a new mom". I went on POF (www.plentyoffish.com), yes the infamous Vancouver based undercover “hook-up” dating site to go meet Mr. Sociopathic Boxer.
Don’t get me wrong, everyone’s experience is different on that site. But for me? This officially was my last jaunt in POF land. I had posted a new page, it had been a long while and found it was the same old same old. Within 30 minutes of positing you get overwhelmed with a bunch of thirsty guys with overt agendas “girl, can I get it in? you look ripe” says enough about their intentions. The only difference I notice at least in the Toronto zone, was as an openly single yummy mummy the number of messages decreased and men seemed a bunch more interested in being Mr. Bootycall Rather than Mr. Monogamous Decent Dude. So with that, Mr. Sociapathic Boxers approach shined through my 5 day POF commitment. In comparison to the other guys, he was decent, still interesting and seemingly normal. My oh my how first e-impressions can be misleading lol.
I can’t remember what his initial message was, but I do remember that he was highly attentive and was eager to meet. As soon as we exchanged numbers, he deleted his account which at first I thought was flattering but now I realize was a safety measure.
We have almost two weeks worth of communication over the phone and text before I commit to a time and place for our first meet. I was just coming back from Maternity leave, winding into my schedule and so my awareness of awkwardness/appropriateness when it came to dating someone was off. So this may have swayed my sensitivity to rampant bullshit lol.
We meet at a local restaurant for drinks in the north end of the city. It was literally a half way point between us. Thankfully I wasn’t catfished. In the days leading up to our meeting, we exchanged a good few pics and details about ourselves. He shared he was a former boxer, now part time trainer that’s main gig was in the corporate worlds finance sector. So he was pale, bald, fit, not crazy tall, with braun and brains. As I walked up to him from my car in the parking lot, I noticed he had this Jamaican Freshie outfit on. It was ridiculous! In his pictures he was in suits, work out attire and actively skateboarding... doing… white-boy-fresh things lol. It threw me totally off, I didn’t want to look directly at the spikes on his jean vest so I just dove in for an over eager hug to avoid any obvious wtf ridden sideeye. He wasn’t taken a back, in fact he was pleasantly surprised I guess that A) I wasn’t a man and B) I looked exactly like my pictures.
We get in the restaurant....he’s doing the whole gentlemanly thing, opening the door, guiding me into my seat, ordering for us and giving direct-tunnel vision eye-contact. I asked him what most women who are obnoxious ask their online sourced connection when they first meet…”so, aren’t you glad that I tucked my penis in for you?” lol. He automatically starts laughing and asks me if I’m that crazy which I reply "obviously". But I had to break this bullshit first date etiquette, those dates get boring quick when you’re not looking for Mr. Forever.
We giggle and continue to chat about all our crazy date stories and we find ourselves getting along like old friends. It was crazy how easy my random comment rolled off his back but from the looks of his crazy Jamaican Freshie vest I knew that his ass had probably dodged a penis ridden catfish or two lol. The comment hadn’t kept his hands from being subtly creepy and a little curious. We had been sharing our stories and 4 hours later he was 125 inches closer. So we wrap up our date with him walking me back to my car, kissing me like he just was released from jail and once he tried to get slick and sit inside with me I promptly made his dick limp by pointing to my daughters car seat hovering in the back like a firm reminder “yes, I’m a fertile turtle. And there’s recent proof”.
The night of our first date he texts me saying how much fun he had, how amazing I am and persists to see me within a couple days of the date. We book a daytime date and it was just as fun. Anything involving sushi and random laughter is fun. But there was something nagging at my lady-spidey sense. There was this mental itch that kept creeping up about this guy, something that wasn’t adding up. I was too busy to listen to this random hunch at first, but as the dates started to spread over weeks and it just naturally evolved into a monogamous situation (atleast on my end) I decided to do what most women should do when given the resources… SNOOP! I started googling his phone number knowing his business would pop up. He had made it seem like his business of being a trainer was just this little hobby thing he did once in a while, but I came to find out this guy was a youtube celebrity, with a following and a few notable local boxers, fitness professionals and even other athletes under his belt as clients. This first find distracted me, I got too caught up reading his industry articles, interviews, his active youtube channel and all the good things. So a couple dates after knowing, I sneakily ask him more about his boxing just to see what else he’d be willing to disclose. He shows me a video that I’ve already seen. I act surprised and in awe when he shows me. But when I ask what’s the url of his business, he gives me this bogus website thats boxing related but clearly is not his site. That again, presents a red flag. So the snooping continues to quiet this now very loud distracting gut feeling. Towards the end of our next date, I keep it straight as he walks me to my car. Mid kiss with this man, I ask him "Do I have anything to worry about?” he pauses and looks me in the eye with his blue eyes gleaming “Why would you ask me that?”. I kept it cool, kinda honest and essentially told him my sixth sense/lady’s intuition was telling me you have douchie ways. He looked at me puzzled and proceeded to persistently ask me why I felt that way and all I said was I don’t know it was just a feeling “I’m Psychic”.
Boy how I wish I was wrong, after that the feeling continued to weigh on me. I went on one more date with him before I triple searched the additional details I sourced from his real website. After being a creepy stalker at this point, I began to watch some of his videos and notice in an old one he had BUHBUHBUH a wedding ring! Of course that sent me on a wild goose chase for at-least an hour and what I turned up shocked me. I came to find out not only was he married to a fellow black woman, but he had a child he essentially was denying. The fact he had a family and went to such desperate lengths to hide everything is still crazy to me. I felt so bad, so terribly guilty for his family now knowing faces and names. On top of everything else, his wife was active in local politics as a municipal official. It was crazy once I thought about all the seemingly recent “relationships” and dates we shared and giggled over. Dude was a straight up fearless sociopath based on how open he was with me in public in his hometown. I sat on the details and just made excuses not to see him, until one day I wanted him to feel like he was entitled to be angry with me. So I met up with him and just as he was literally expressing how annoyed he was that I was shafting him… I interrupt his tangent with laughter. He looks at me like I was crazy. I kept it vague and simply questioned "didnt you I ask you if I had anything to worry about?” Still looking at me puzzled, I told him I don’t have time for this but to “Just know that I know way more than I’m supposed to”. He froze, for second and even hesitated before he spoke… but went on saying I was full of games and I was immature. In his eyes, at first glance it may have seemed that way…but with someone like him? getting enraged and psycho would only feed his ego and I surely didn’t want to be amongst his collection of “crazy-bitch” stories. I would be the one bitch he wish he never played with. I essentially kept laughing and he got frustrated and left.
I didn’t hear from him for a good while and then our paths crossed again. I had reached out to him because I was going to meet owners of a gym I knew he had trained at, I just started my business and selfishly wanted some off the record details about the gym. So I messaged him via whatsapp asking the questions, he answered and unfortunately felt that was his opportunity to try and pull his old seemingly charming but really sociapathic jive. I stopped him dead in his tracks after I received the info I needed, told him as a husband to______ (insert the name of his wife), a father to ____(insert the name of his son) and for someone with so many followers on ______(insert the name of his youtube) I am not the bitch to play with it lol. That was enough to have Mr. Sociopathic Boxer dead silent and from there? My creeping stopped and his mute denial was no longer necessary because he never spoke to me again lol.
It’s totally crazy to think that men would risk so much for something so pink. But the reality is, some men are so insecure in their relationships and within themselves they will do anything... including hurt everyone around them to validate their pathetic ego. I refused to let myself get ghetto, loud and out of hand with this man… I was just elated I found out on my own terms and not in some maury-esque fashion. This story just goes to show ladies, always trust your intuition no matter how crazy you may feel and snoop with your hearts content !!