A few months ago, I was driving back from a comedy show with a good friend (that is literally a sister from an Asian mister). I was totally sober and in good spirits before I got behind the wheel. I was giving her a lift home after the show and midway through one of my road rage traffic rants I feel her looking at me in disbelief. Her hand was griping the door as she asked "is this how you drive with your daughter?". I say "no, not with all the swearing.." but then an evil voice popped into my head as I was explaining myself. The voice said "is this bitch judging me!!!?!?!?!? WHAT IF I FUCKIN DROVE LIKE THIS WITH MY KID IN THE..". Before the evil thought could finish, she expressed she was sincerely concerned. Driving as an extremely intense and offensive crazy ass worried her. The evil voice vanished and I quickly realized she feared for her life as a passenger in my car. I felt bad, I explained I've been extremely tense since the car accident the summer before. I explained although it wasn't my fault...I felt this guilt because I saw the driver hitting me before... she actually collided and there was nothing I could do about it.
But although that is a huge reason why I am a belligerent, obnoxiously vocal driver...that was not the whole reason. I blame it on not having "back bending, mind jerking, offend a catholic priest during confessional" type of sex in just over a month. I was busy and my schedule was a wreck. I was scheduling naps in my calendar to stay a float, it was a challenging time. If I manage to get on the road after a fabulous sweaty rendezvous, it's like I smoked a joint. I'm glowing, giggly and extremely calm. Polar opposite to the road demon I sometimes become after a few oblivious old drivers jam the breaks repeatedly during rush-hour traffic. Sexless Road Rage is what I suffer from. After much research, there are only 3 remedies to this unfortunate disorder pre-drive masturbation, regular sex or obnoxious singing of Jagged Edge all the way to my destination. I usually opt for the last remedy because I'm a girl on her grind and although sex is a priority...being single? my pum is not always ready to mingle. I've accepted this is something I will suffer from.... until I meet my horny future husband. Until then, I will have to continue to scare the living shit out of children watching my theatrical "car singing" from the back of their parents minivans, at any given moment. Thank you Jagged Edge.