The things men do on a date ...that make my theoretical dick soft.

No ones perfect and I totally appreciate that. In fact, I rather be with someone who doesn't desire perfection. I rather be with someone who is focused on living a purposeful life with good intentions. But in the first few dates or moments of sitting across from that new desirable potential mate, be it for fun or life..  there are a few unfavorable behaviors men can display that are a total turn off.

Excessive drinking. I appreciate you have a long work day and our date might be interrupting one of your habitual post work rituals. But if drinking in excess is your thing on a consistent basis? well you ain't for me. No judgment, I just cant get in that "zone" with someone of interest that drinks to that extreme.

Homophobia. THIS really is such a turn off, when men have an issue with homosexuality. It erks me beyond words, you may have the most penetrating eyes and the best jokes but nothing will save a man...once I find out he is homophobic. I distinctly remember walking out on a date that was a bit too... passionate about his stance on gays. Fuck all that, live your life and stay in your lane. Let love live.

Talking about an ex. Fuck all this noise. If you're still talking about your ex? the situation is either far too fresh for you to be entertaining someone new ORRRR you are far from over them. I don't like any talk of an ex because lets be honest... ITS ALL ABOUT MOI NOW. Cha *sideeye. Be it bad or good or even in passing, I despise this. I'm not insecure with the notion you used to fuck someone else and even might have seen a potential future with them. But its just not necessary when you are moving on and moving into a new relationship with someone new. *spraying ex girlfriend be-gone spray excessively*

Excessive talking about themselves. Yes, I am into you. That's part of the reason I... got the fuck up, washed my ass and took the time to sit across from you to enjoy these over priced drinks (on your tab). But... that does not warrant excessive talking about yourself, how much you make and why you have yet to meet your soul mate. Keep your Kanye-esque behavior at home otherwise I would much rather be sitting across from a dude interested in getting to know someone other than his motherfuckin self.

TMI disclosure. Saying too much and far too soon is enough to make my vajayjay... desert dry. I get it, in the first few dates you may be a bit nervous and a few things slip out. But I'm not trying to hear about why your dog ate your moms leftovers and shat all over your apartment...that one time. That shit ain't sexy.

Oblivious unwarranted body funk of any kind. If your odor would offend a stranger, it's a total turn off. There is only one exception... if we're on an active date. Yes, its acceptable if we're adventurous and opt for a yoga class or even a challenging hike. But if we're grabbing a coffee or lounging at a local bar...? there's no excuse for the offensive musk. our peripheral. See this one is pretty annoying. Yes, I appreciate you may be a gentlemanly sweetheart to me. I love a man that gives me the right attention on a date. Opening car doors, pulling out chairs, ordering for us...ahhh talk dirty to me. But treating people around us like shit? isn't something I find cute or entertaining. if anything dude, you're totally messing with my good karma. I don't care how big your dick is, how many cars you own or how much money you made on your last deal... if you're rude and crusty to those in passing? my vagina's allergic. In fact, she'll start to choke and I'll be forced to excuse myself before the bill.

Dating to me is like the first few days of work, school or any new environment. YOU need to be on your best behavior and depending on your intentions ...put your best foot forward for good results. It doesn't mean you need to put up a fa├žade, but it just simply means be your best you. We all have our moments and I appreciate that our pulse makes us human...but indris alba wouldn't be able to get my cooch jumping once he done enough to turn me off.