Nothings worse than breaking up and having all those feelings compromise your better judgement for even a second. But the great part of being with an undercover degenerate is when you think you’re able to turn around and forgive? they revert to obnoxious, despicable and desperate behaviour that makes a few questions pop up in your head…
Was The dick even that great though? Why did it take me this long to realize he ain’t shit? Can I return that birthday gift I have yet to hand over? Should I get his tires slashed while I’m at work so I have a legitimate alibi?
Siggggghhh… and the questions just get more ridiculous as you continue to engage with your ex in an angry state. Then there’s that feeling after all the yelling, crying and excessive name calling. You suddenly feel as if you’ve taken a big shit after 2 years of constipation…its somewhat therapeutic and yet extremely exhausting. You want to take a nap and yet you have way too much real life shit to do... like go to work, be a mother, live your life, etc. A couple days go by ….and you’re kind of normal again. Not until you’re revisited by these polarizing emotions. You’re suddenly filled with annoyance, resentment, anger but never hatred…. At best PROFUSE DISLIKE.
The oblivious passive aggressive “I didn’t do shit and I just wanted to see how you’re doing” phone call and/or text comes in from the same ex you had that wonderful exchange with not too long ago. What the fuck do you do in this situation? Do you blow up? Do you get manipulative? Do you pick up where you left off in the last exchange or do you totally disengage and delete the passive aggressive text without hesitation?
So many options and so many ways to respond irrationally…. Sigh. Of course I respond because I’m not the type to pussy foot around anyone… especially when I’m bothered. I start out pretty amicable and then I end up being rather offensive and tacky. That bubbling in my chest starts …a combination of feeling enraged beyond words and anxious as fuck. I scream out of frustration… about how things went down, how things wont change and then I realize …why the fuck am I wasting any more time. I’ve wasted enough on this man. My irrational cussing or even a mature conversation wont change the inevitable.
The next steps included a glass of white wine, a glam glow mask, followed by writing a few blogs totally unrelated to the ex. I can start processing my feelings. Still very angry but it’s no longer on the surface and I’m no longer manic. The inner crazy bitch now supressed and laying dormant…until the next muhfucker tries it.