Mr. Oldballs

This was my first time dating someone significantly older than me. I for one, look young. I’m grown but the youngin’s still try to holler thinking I was born in the 90’s. So even when I’ve dated some men my damn age… people kinda sideeye cause shit I gotta baby face *fluffing my weave* when I’m ready. Or maybe…its just cause I’m one of the few still wearing classic uggs in public passed 22 …lol.

But I digress, this date was with an older, seasoned, grey back, not new, long toothed older sexy man. He dressed nice, was very open to new things and was extremely chivalrous …so it really didn’t bother me he was old enough to biologically be my father. But in a public environment, getting to know a man like this who was willing to go to the young, fun, fabulous dating spots in the city at times was a bit distracting.  

I for one don’t really care what people think. But when people get vocal and ask passive aggressive questions out loud expecting you to hear and not respond..? that’s when things get uncomfortable for every motherfucker in that joint because I’m just as vocal. Mind you, I was still getting to know this man. Aside from having absolutely no expectations at all beyond “fun” in combination with…not being emotionally invested in him at all... would limit the lengths to which I would go when being a necessary level of “vocal”. I remember being in yorkville with him and we were having a drink having a pretty platonic conversation. This group of middle aged white people walked passed us… and the most bitter looking woman of the group decided to loudly whisper “What on earth would they have in common?” And being the unassuming petty bitch in the room that night “More than you could ever imagine” I said loudly while looking directly in her eyes. She nervously tossed her hair and her com padres were quick to shuffle passed us quicker than they originally wanted to. Fuck the old bitter nosy ladies of Toronto.  

We went on about four dates and it got boring quick. He would want to ask me things I had no interest in answering… like “what do I see in him?” Really muhfucker? That’s the level of conversation we're at with where you’re at in life? BYE! You’re not even my man?!?! You’re just the thursday after work date. I’m actually fucking the younger Tuesday guy… so fuggouttahere with that basic old bitch question. Then he would catch sight of women that resembled his first ex wife and BOOM the long winded shit talk would erupt like a bad case of turrets.

Would I and Have I dated older men since this first foray with Mr. Oldballs? Of course and Yes I have. I appreciate an older man. I don’t have any daddy issues, I’m just not an ageist anymore lol. But the same standards apply because older men ain’t a fetish. Sexually, emotionally, intellectually, lifestyle? If the synergy ain’t there… I’m not one to force chemistry. But Idris Elba, Robert Downey Jr and Daniel Dae Kim can all get it when they’re over 80.

Xoxo Ally