I’m not a player I just date a lot x Rant


IT’S BEEN REAL! Figuring out what it means to truly be over an ex and sincerely open to the next suitor in line. Getting to know perfect strangers, men that are far removed from what I’m used to and getting a better understanding of what it is I actually WANT is an unnerving pursuit.

Yes, I want a relationship and yes I want to meet my new best friend that I’ll share many fun milestones with (in addition to many sweaty romps =D). Admitting and acknowledging that void, being totally okay with wanting that connection with someone can leaving you feelin hella vulnerable. As a former Ice Queen, as someone who has been insensitive to the feelings of others ... I was totally unaccountable for my love mosaic. I now see the value in understanding what it means to value companionship. I say this from a place of honesty, not a place of desperation. I’ve grown comfortable with snuggling my daughter under my arm nightly and not sharing my morning mayhem with anyone but her…so I’m not remotely lonely. But to nurture all parts of my soul, all parts of my womanhood extends beyond my independence.

Dating will be revealing as fuck. Getting reacquainted with “sincerely single Ally”, the part of myself that is well behaved, an attentive listener and exceptionally intuitive. Understanding that only a select few deserve a second chance and the big pool of Toronto bachelors is actually smaller than I remember. Learning more about what it means to communicate and breaking away from the frivolous “wants” that plagued the early part of my young adulthood single jaunts.

I met someone that literally told me straight up he can’t stand talking on the phone. I used to think that was ridiculous. Initially it was a total turn off and then we went on a date. We got along, the conversation didn’t feel remotely forced and it felt really different.  It had hit the 3 hour mark of our date, we were letting the melted ice overtake our drinks and he goes into why he doesn’t like talking on the phone…”because of this. Having good conversation and actually spending time with someone is what I rather do face to face. So rather than call you I rather just see you”. I guess his hipster dipster artsy farts queen west sexy nerd swag totally grew on me OR his thought process was less offensive because it actually started to make sense. I never would have thought that little part of our date would have made such a huge impact on my perception of what other casual relationships I was forging.

Why would I want to encourage communication options that I utilize less with my immediate circle of friends and family with a stranger? Why would I take offence to the lack of casual communication vs the lack of effort/interest overall? A man who wants you…regardless of circumstance will make an effort to connect with you. But a man sincerely invested in getting to know you …will go beyond frivolous, convenient fuckboy texts. He’ll want to see you as often as he thinks of you because. He’s willing to invest and won’t hesitate to spend his time with you.  

Dating can be so overwhelming, meeting so many different people and desperately trying to dodge the sociopathic skunts can be exhausting. But being in a space where I acknowledge I want a relationship and I am accountable for my next monogamous relationship is what makes this part of my dating journey absolutely necessary.