I’ve been actively single recently. Pretty much I’ve been dating which means… entertaining new individuals outside of the familiar pool of my recycling bin exes, platonic friends and making a conscious effort to meet new people. It’s been interesting so far and I recognize dating as a single, curvy, black woman in Toronto can be exhausting AF.
Utilizing online dating has been my first effort, because as a mom I can’t afford the random meet and greet on the street. Although I love the organic meets (because they make for a better story) I’m always in a rush, I barely have time to chill out and when I do? I’m usually neglecting something else I should be prioritizing. Forever guilty! It’s hard being an ambitious, single mother that actually works and keeps up with my shit. I don’t shy away from “me” time though, it’s absolutely necessary to stay sane. And YES, sometimes I feel guilty when it’s not spent wisely on a good manicure, a fulfilling yoga session, studying for an exam, working on a project or having amazing sex. I value my time with my daughter… it’s never a chore, period. As a single mom highly invested in my daughter’s happiness it can get hard to balance “me” time with “mom” time. So that’s why I’ve put on my single girl boots, put myself out there to meet new people via a convenient dating app.
Although it wasn’t remotely traumatic, it was short lived because I chose to listen to my intuition. I’ve connected with a few people, went on to meet a couple and I’m still in contact with some. But it’s something I haven’t been actively doing because I’m familiar with that exhausting, uncomfortable and necessary phase of singlehood that’s required to come across a good match, who I have good chemistry with and has the potential to be more than a summer Ting.
Meeting men that tell you what it is upfront can be refreshing or absolutely off putting, especially when you like them. All it takes is a sentence or two to totally fuck up the vibe and kill chemistry. When a man justifies not picking up the phone to call you because he rather see you or another might tell you right up front that he doesn’t sense “I’m the one”.